The weather has been cold and the leaves on the trees have been absolutely beautiful. This is one of the times when I'm so glad to live here. I have my moments where I'd like to be somewhere warm and lush, but then I look out my window and see a landscape of golds and reds and yellows and oranges... and I think "This is good too..."
Sometimes it's good to stop, look around and find the beauty in your "every day". It's hard as hell to do sometimes... especially when you're among the ranks of the IF. It's hard not to dwell on that giant elephant sitting in the middle of living room. And we're about to enter that lovely time of year when the elephant dons it's jingle bells!
The holiday season has become increasingly... sensitive. All of the commercials, the displays, the Photo with Santa line... constant reminders of what I'm not doing. I'm not seeing the magic of the season in the eyes of my child. I'm not standing in line for Baby's 1st picture with Santa or buying Baby's First Christmas onesies.
Instead, I'm watching everyone else pass by as if I'm behind a sheet of glass. I can see the smiles on their faces... the joy in their eyes. I can see them making memories and I wonder what their lives are like. What that feels like. I wonder if they are as happy as they seem... If I'll ever be allowed to be that happy.
